Lil Jon for President 2008
I do not consider myself an ignorant person. I have read many a difficult novel, patronized Starbucks for more than just a job application and, perhaps most importantly, I still have all of my original teeth. This disclaimer is necessary to explain the job at hand.
You see I've realized something in the last 24 hours. Along with Milan Kundera, Tomato bisque soup and the solid chocolate chips in Ben & Jerry's chunky monkey ice cream, I love Lil Jon (no homo). I just do. I'm tired of apologizing for it. No, really I am.
I don't know when it started, but I do know that there is something both magical and otherworldly about that dreadlocked imp. Maybe its the platinum teeth that make his voice so money? Maybe not, but regardless of origin it remains a fact that every word this man utters is capable of creating full rooms of furious head nodding, igniting the mosh pit of the soul. One would think that subject matter would have something to do with this. One would be wrong.
Case and point: http://www.youtube.com/w/London-bridges-Remix?v=nrcJo3jJjyI&search=wild%20n%20out%20london%20bridge
And this is why I have come up with a bold proposal. One that I believe has the power to both reinvigorate our countries superpower status and resurrect the tragically ailing democratic party.
Lil Jon FOR PRESIDENT people.
WHAT?? you say. (had to work that in I assume)
Lil Jon For president.
What are his policies on Medicare Medicaid? HUH? Is he pro or anti-affirmative action? WHAT? How does he stand on expanding federal power through executive- order-inlieuofcongressionalgrantofauthorityandtheconstitutionaldilemmaresultingtherein?
People, if you are asking yourself these questions you are fundamentally missing the point. We are Americans. We believe in leadership first and details second. If you think for one moment that President Jon would govern without a dedicated staff of policy wonks to brief him on "the issues" and his position, then you are obviously a communist. Go back to Canada Pink-O. On the other hand, for those real Americans who know a thing or two about the value of leadership let me continue.
First and foremost, in the post 9/11 world we need a president that can provide us with a feeling of safety from dangerous enemies to the state. In a world of constant imminent danger who would you rather have your back? A Bostonian democrat who has shown himself to be more comfortable with a latte than a pistol grip? A man whose face is frozen in time with chemical injections or a man whose face is frozen in space with a stunningly authentic mean-mug? WHAT?
Second, lets talk about fiscal responsibility. Lil Jon is a self made man. Horatio Alger on Chrome 22's, Jon has built his fortune from the ground up relying solely on his faith in himself and the American dream. By forming a business and running it from the ground up Jon has learned countless lessons about the accumulation of wealth and proper money management. Further, his experiences on both sides of the fence from rags to riches tend to suggest a unique perspective on economic inequities. From an investment strategy standpoint Jon is good for wall street. Greenspan is gone. The dollar is falling, and we have no idea how to control inflation in the wake of an impending burst in the housing bubble. Lil Jon has tirelessly invested in platinum, diamonds, gold and other precious metals; investments that not-so-coincidentally carry the attached intrinsic value that staves away the demons of inflation. I mean, who here would doubt that Lil Jon would take the necessary steps to move us back to the Gold Standard? WHAT? (last one I promise)
Finally, and at the center of it all there is that Voice. Whether it be war or peace, the state of the union or a mere campaign speech the voice of Lil Jon speaks to the heart of us all. It may be a gift from above, but it is his gift and worthy of use for the greater good. It touches us emotionally, and when you get down to it that is what makes a great leader.
Lil Jon for president people. Sure he'd have to cut the hair and lose the teeth (His warrior appearance may be well suited to a cabinet position like secretary of defense, but is likely to be an ill-fit for the presidents softer addresses to the people (plus it doesn't go with a wool sweater). ), however I firmly believe that Lil Jon is the perfect fit for our nation; a land of the free and a home of the brave.
So, say it with me.
Lil Jon for president!
WHAT? (I lied)
Lil Jon for president!
OKAAAYY!
Lil Jon for president!
YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH
You see I've realized something in the last 24 hours. Along with Milan Kundera, Tomato bisque soup and the solid chocolate chips in Ben & Jerry's chunky monkey ice cream, I love Lil Jon (no homo). I just do. I'm tired of apologizing for it. No, really I am.
I don't know when it started, but I do know that there is something both magical and otherworldly about that dreadlocked imp. Maybe its the platinum teeth that make his voice so money? Maybe not, but regardless of origin it remains a fact that every word this man utters is capable of creating full rooms of furious head nodding, igniting the mosh pit of the soul. One would think that subject matter would have something to do with this. One would be wrong.
Case and point: http://www.youtube.com/w/London-bridges-Remix?v=nrcJo3jJjyI&search=wild%20n%20out%20london%20bridge
And this is why I have come up with a bold proposal. One that I believe has the power to both reinvigorate our countries superpower status and resurrect the tragically ailing democratic party.
Lil Jon FOR PRESIDENT people.
WHAT?? you say. (had to work that in I assume)
Lil Jon For president.
What are his policies on Medicare Medicaid? HUH? Is he pro or anti-affirmative action? WHAT? How does he stand on expanding federal power through executive- order-inlieuofcongressionalgrantofauthorityandtheconstitutionaldilemmaresultingtherein?
People, if you are asking yourself these questions you are fundamentally missing the point. We are Americans. We believe in leadership first and details second. If you think for one moment that President Jon would govern without a dedicated staff of policy wonks to brief him on "the issues" and his position, then you are obviously a communist. Go back to Canada Pink-O. On the other hand, for those real Americans who know a thing or two about the value of leadership let me continue.
First and foremost, in the post 9/11 world we need a president that can provide us with a feeling of safety from dangerous enemies to the state. In a world of constant imminent danger who would you rather have your back? A Bostonian democrat who has shown himself to be more comfortable with a latte than a pistol grip? A man whose face is frozen in time with chemical injections or a man whose face is frozen in space with a stunningly authentic mean-mug? WHAT?
Second, lets talk about fiscal responsibility. Lil Jon is a self made man. Horatio Alger on Chrome 22's, Jon has built his fortune from the ground up relying solely on his faith in himself and the American dream. By forming a business and running it from the ground up Jon has learned countless lessons about the accumulation of wealth and proper money management. Further, his experiences on both sides of the fence from rags to riches tend to suggest a unique perspective on economic inequities. From an investment strategy standpoint Jon is good for wall street. Greenspan is gone. The dollar is falling, and we have no idea how to control inflation in the wake of an impending burst in the housing bubble. Lil Jon has tirelessly invested in platinum, diamonds, gold and other precious metals; investments that not-so-coincidentally carry the attached intrinsic value that staves away the demons of inflation. I mean, who here would doubt that Lil Jon would take the necessary steps to move us back to the Gold Standard? WHAT? (last one I promise)
Finally, and at the center of it all there is that Voice. Whether it be war or peace, the state of the union or a mere campaign speech the voice of Lil Jon speaks to the heart of us all. It may be a gift from above, but it is his gift and worthy of use for the greater good. It touches us emotionally, and when you get down to it that is what makes a great leader.
Lil Jon for president people. Sure he'd have to cut the hair and lose the teeth (His warrior appearance may be well suited to a cabinet position like secretary of defense, but is likely to be an ill-fit for the presidents softer addresses to the people (plus it doesn't go with a wool sweater). ), however I firmly believe that Lil Jon is the perfect fit for our nation; a land of the free and a home of the brave.
So, say it with me.
Lil Jon for president!
WHAT? (I lied)
Lil Jon for president!
OKAAAYY!
Lil Jon for president!
YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH
posted by Wesley Gibson at 1:41 PM
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